The Great Unknown

In reflecting where I was this time last year, I found a journal entry of thanksgiving made October 25, 2011 ... just one year ago – the following is a compilation of testimonies of what the Lord did for me after months of being in where I labeled “The Great Unknown.”

(Excuse errors - I was typing fast trying to get all of the words out as they were coming to me ...)

In May 2011 my life of familiarity and routine was completely turned upside down. 

It was bright and early the morning that I entered the teacher’s “fishbowl” and every set of eyes in the room turned to me. Of course, I greeted them with my typical cheery “Mornin!” As I began to settle myself into my desk I heard one of my co-workers say “she doesn’t know ...” Now, these words are never good to hear and I immediately took notice of the glum faces of my co-workers, whom I more intimately considered to be my friends.

“Know what?” I asked.

“Well, we’re losing our jobs,” Mr. Dan, the school’s History teacher, replied quite matter-of-factly.

I stood for a moment and searched each face without finding a trace of humor. I don’t quite remember what I said back, but I knew right away I needed to get into a place where I could talk to God. I walked into the teacher’s bathroom and began to pray. I immediately had a sense of peace about the situation; however, there was also an understanding that this peace would not come with a quick-fix resolution. I knew this peace was to carry me through some times I soon labeled to be “The Great Unknown.”

Days without hearing word about the destiny of our careers at the Department of Juvenile Justice passed, turning into weeks, and ultimately months. We eventually received the finality of the decision and in an almost zombie-like state we began the transition from Juvenile Justice Facility into ghost town, as our beloved kids began to be shipped away with little notice, our resources began to be packed up, and our jobs began to dwindle to the end.

Now, many do not understand the turmoil we endured during this time. This place of employment was not simply a job to most of us, it was a calling. The loss of this job stripped me, and many of my co-workers of their sense of belonging and purpose. “Where would we go?” “What would we do?” “What would be next, and how could it compare to here?”

The teachers, for the most part, shared a family-like bond with one another. Our boss, our principal – Carol – couldn’t have been a better leader. The children, misunderstood by most, were completely understood and loved by our close-knit team. We loved our jobs and actually looked forward to each day. Many cannot say that about their place of employment.

I watched sadly as students were either discharged early or bussed to another program; as the officers found other places of employment; as my fellow teachers packed up their materials and made their way to other schools to teach. I watched right down to the very last day of teaching and cleaning – and found myself amongst the few who stayed until the bitter-sweet end.

Driving to work on the last morning was tearful; however, I was unable to think too in depth about my future until my career at DJJ had so quickly become my past. The first morning I awoke after the closing of DJJ, I got ready just as any other day; however, my drive this morning took me past the place I had grown accustomed to driving to each day. My destination this morning was the unemployment office.

“What am I going to do here,” I thought to myself as I pulled into the parking lot. “What is next?”

I asked that questions dozens of times through the coming days and seemingly more so with each “hard-knock,” that followed. I lived approximately 28-miles round-trip from town – which wouldn’t have been so bad, except that my car was operating only on prayers. Each and every time my car started and made it a mile I was thanking God for a mile I wasn’t stranded on the side of the road. Dozens of job applications received no reply. Unemployment was less than half of what I was accustomed to living on – and definitely not enough to move closer to town, or purchase a new, more reliable vehicle. The “knocks” kept piling up.

Yet – the peace God shadowed me with that very first morning of this spiraling trip through “The Great Unknown” remained with me. “Lord, I don’t know where you are taking me, and I don’t know what I am going to have to go through to get there, but I trust you.” I said this to the Lord time and time again – making sure I meant every single word.

It was only the peace of God that allowed me to trust Him, because there certainly appeared to be absolutely no other way out of this “mess,” that my life spiraled into. Well, actually, there were a few opportunities that came my way to relocate, opportunities with great potential that would have solved all of my problems. However, these opportunities were declined by the Lord – and I was left continuing to meander through my “Great Unknown.”

I also want to add to those reading – in this place of “The Great Unknown,” it felt as though my prayers were bouncing off the clouds and as though the Lord was watching from afar, but not speaking to me. Maybe some can relate to this place.

There were moments I desperately cried out to God for specific direction – for specific answers – and eventually, just for any word He wanted to give me. At that point, hearing anything from the Lord would have felt better than nothing at all.

Finally, the Lord did speak. He spoke through His word in Isaiah 37:31. “And the remnant that is escaped of the house of Judah shall again take root downward, and bear fruit upward.”

This scripture so eloquently slapped me in the face. I stopped upon reading it, and read it over, and over again. “Take root downward, and bear fruit upward,” magnified itself to me. The Lord was giving me specific direction to root myself in Him, to root myself in the place He planted me, to get myself so rooted in exactly the place He has ordained me to be – and He would assure the fruit would come in it’s time.

That peace that shadowed me increased with this scripture. I set out at that moment to root myself more deeply in God’s word than I had before. I set my mind to stay in this small town, root myself in the work and ministry here, and allow God to do what He desired.

It was following this breakthrough that pieces of my life’s puzzle began to be set into place.

Early one morning I received a call from the school board. They had told me they were not accepting substitutes when I inquired months earlier; however, this call they were stating they wanted me immediately and set a time for me to get fingerprints done. I had work within the week – more than many other substitutes were getting.

That same day two tutoring companies contacted me, desiring to hire me immediately. They even were willing to accept the school board’s fingerprints – meaning I would not have to pay!

Later that week a dear, sweet Sister squealingly approached me about a house she found for me. She had brought this home to my attention before; however, it was well above my budget. At some point the owner of the property decided, without ever having met me, to lower the monthly rent to exactly what I was paying for my tiny country cottage. The cherry that topped that blessing is that she required no deposit, included water, would allow electric to stay in her name so I could avoid an electric deposit, and said I could move my things in immediately and not pay her a penny until the beginning of the month.

My human nature kicked in, and I immediately began to doubt ... it just seemed too good to be true. In the back of my mind I tucked away thoughts that this place just had to be a dump overrun by roaches and other miscellaneous creatures; however, upon meeting the owner and doing a walk-through of the home – I was exceedingly pleased with the quaint cuteness of the home.

My heart began to melt as I thought of all of these little blessings God was lining up for me. “I don’t deserve this,” I told the Lord, as each blessing arrived. I was reminded later that scripture tells us that God enjoys blessing His people – so I know God was having a good time ... because the blessings continued to come.

The next blessing came as I was pulling out of the drive of my new home – with keys in hand. My dear friend, Mrs. Connie, called and said she needed to talk to me “about a car and a guinea pig.” If you have ever had the opportunity to meet my beloved friend, this sentence would not seem odd. Turns out that she was visiting her family up North and her son-in-law wanted to know of a good charity to donate a car to.

Without hesitation, Mrs. Connie replied “I know of a good charity, but her name is Hope.” My endeared friend drove this car all the way to Florida for me, paid for everything to be put in my name, and even treated me to lunch immediately after the exchange.

As I drove the car home, my life felt a little surreal. Not only was I driving a blessing – it was a blessing that fit the exact description of the car I had always desired ... silver, black leather interior, sunroof, and air conditioner. God knows how to meet the desires of our hearts – with no strings attached.

The very next blessing arrived within the same week. I was teaching fourth grade that day and had just sent the students to specials when my phone rang. I usually did not have my phone on during school – and this particular day it wasn’t only on – the ringer was not on vibrate. It was an unknown number, but I answered anyway.

“Hope?” The voice on the other end of the phone rang out.

“Yes,” I replied, unable to make out of the voice.

“I’m glad you answered, I’ve been trying to track you down all over town and this was my last attempt.”

The voice belonged to the Program Director of Healthy Families. She was offering me a job. I had interviewed there months earlier and was not hired. A position became available and she wanted me to fill it – I would be brought on as the newest member of a team designed to educate parents about attachment, bonding, and child development and focus on preventing child abuse and neglect.

I hung up the phone – absolutely amazed at all God had done. I definitely had done nothing to deserve the bountiful blessings of the Lord; however, I knew that with each answer to each prayer – God was telling me that He is a God that knows how to answer prayer ... above and beyond all that we could think or ask.

You see, walking in this “Great Unknown” time period of my life, I often compared myself to the Israelites as they wandered through the wilderness. I carefully guarded myself against taking on the ungrateful and doubtful attitude of the Israelites – however, I felt as though I could relate to what they might have felt during their journey in their “Great Unknown.”

A few details I failed to mention earlier is that despite the fact that my income on unemployment was less than one-half of my income from DJJ, not one single bill failed to be paid, I never went without a meal, and I always had gas in my gas-guzzling car. All of my needs, and many of my wants, were somehow met – yet to this day I do not know how – because the numbers simply did not line up!

I want you to understand that without having first endured these trials, I would never have known the experience of triumph. Without having first been in a place of “The Great Unknown,” I would never have truly understood the scripture that tells of how God directs the paths of the righteous. Without ever having experienced situations of impossibility, I would not have come to know the God that makes all things possible.

If you had asked me in May of 2011 if I was ready to walk the long journey through “The Great Unknown,” I would not have been prepared to answer. I stand pleased that God did not afford me that opportunity. I’m afraid had the choice have been mine, I would have continued in my place of routine and familiarity ... and would still know God on the limited terms I knew Him then.

I am thankful for my Father, my Savior, my Provider, my Friend, my Peace, and my Hope ... I am thankful for my guide through the seemingly unchartered territories of “The Great Unknown.”