Beauty of Brokenness

 Along my journey with God I have learned a great many lessons – all of which I tuck away in my memory labeled as “priceless treasures.” I would have to say the most important lesson I have learned as of late is the beauty of brokenness.

While many may be puzzled as to how I can place these contrasting terms within the same context, I have come to find that the truest beauty can only be born within the bounds of brokenness.

In looking back over the years I have found my most intimate and life changing experiences with God to be during times in my life when my heart was mangled with fear, grief, doubt, loneliness – all of the emotions that have the ability to wrench every ounce of hope right out of us. It was in those times, those dark and desperate situations, I felt the arms of God wrap about me and warm my soul with a comforting peace.

The first time I experienced the embrace of God was in the very darkest moment of my life. My mother had passed away only moments before, and as I watched her slip away I felt as though I was watching pieces of myself die with her. The one person in the world who believed in me and loved me beyond measure was gone, and I felt as if I had instantaneously become an orphan. Even though I was surrounded by family members, I felt completely lost and alone.

I quietly left the room of grieving family, found an empty room, locked myself in, and eased to the floor in an almost distant disbelief. Within minutes the reality of what happened began to overwhelm me and I felt my hardened exterior breaking without the ability to control my feelings or emotions. As the unbearable grief, heartache, and tears engulfed me I began to notice something else taking place; I became aware of the presence of God in that room with me.

This wasn’t the first time I had encountered God’s presence, but until that point, it was the most powerful. I felt a rush of love, comfort, and peace envelop me and I physically felt the very arms of God embrace me. It was there, in the darkest and most broken place of my life, that I found the beauty of everything I had ever known God to be. Even though I felt like I was falling apart, I was falling apart in the hands of God, the one and only who had the ability to piece me back together.

I have never forgotten that moment of my life, nor will I ever. Despite the fact that I had lost my mother, I count it as one of the most beautiful and intimate experiences with God I have ever known.

I have since encountered several similar experiences, and in my most recent season of brokenness God allowed me to see beyond the comfort and peace He provided. He allowed me to understand that the place of brokenness we will all undoubtedly encounter is very important in our relationship with Him. In fact, it isn’t only important, it is necessary.

Brokenness isn’t exactly a place we want to visit. It is always accompanied by pain and heartache that sometimes feel unbearable. However, it is in this place alone where our self-dependence, strength, understanding, hardened exterior, and pride are all lost. It is then, when the characteristics that serve as barriers between us and God are gone, that He is able to move in and work in our hearts.

Brokenness can be seen throughout the scripture. Possibly one of the most known examples of a life that was broken and torn apart is found in the story of Job.

Job, at one time a very wealthy and prosperous man, experienced great loss and heartache. His very fears became a reality when he lost his family, his wealth, and his health. He became so broken he began to regret the day he was born.

“After this opened Job his mouth, and cursed his day. And Job spake, and said, Let the day perish wherein I was born, and the night in which it was said, There is a man child conceived.” Job 3:1-3

Even though Job, at the darkest moment of his life, regretted his birth, there is a characteristic about this man that stands out and is exemplified still today. Even in the bleakest of circumstances, he did not allow himself to lose his trust in God. He continued to place his trust in his savior and Job 42:12 tells us that the Lord blessed Job in the latter end of his life, even more so than the beginning of his life.

Though the fact that Job’s trust in God brought him great blessing, as well as the fact that his blessing is as a wonderful example of God’s provision, the scripture that most caught my attention is found in Job 42:5. “I have heard of thee by hearing of the ear: but now mine eye seeth thee.” It was in this place of brokenness that Job’s perspective of his Savior went from simply hearing of the goodness of God to seeing the goodness of God with his very own eyes. He gained a deeper understanding and in turn, a more intimate relationship with God.

I believe God allows these seasons of brokenness to come upon us for many reasons. Sometimes it is in this place alone we are desperate enough to allow God to move within us in the manner He desires. Other times it is because He wants us to go beyond what we have simply heard about Him to growing to know Him for ourselves; to see Him as Job began to see him.

 In either case, these times in our lives are a part of the process God uses to transform us into the men and women we were created to be; just as the process the potter uses to transform his clay. If we take a moment to look past the pieces of our seemingly shattered lives, we will see a God who is attempting to take all of our broken pieces and put them together most perfectly. We will see a creator who is designing something beautiful out of brokenness.