“I
am going to get as far away from this town as I can,” I said with seething
indignation when asked what I had planned to do after high school. “I am going
to become a world renowned investigative reporter for the New York Times.”
Not
a single soul, no matter how persuasive, could have convinced me that the plans
I made in my early teenage years were anything but set in stone. I had
inherited my mother’s iron-willed stubbornness and my father’s determined work
ethic. Armed with these characteristics, nothing could stand in my way. Nothing
except God, that is.
I
put my nose to the grindstone when I entered high school and worked tirelessly
to do what it would take to make my plans a reality. I graduated with honors,
served as the editor-and-and chief of my high school newspaper, and worked an
after-school job at the local paper in town
I
was accepted into a university known nation-wide for its school of journalism and
my determination and drive landed me the immediate favor of the journalism
professor, front-page news pieces, a summer internship in California
My
plans were falling right into place … or so I thought.
While
visiting home during Christmas break, I received a call from the finance
department at the school stating that I must pay for the upcoming semester or I
would be unable to return the following week. My head began to spin with
confusion. I explained to the college representative that my first year had
been paid for in full by a grant, and the following three years would be fully
taken care of by a journalism scholarship.
The
school said I had no such grant on record and unless I could come up with the
amount in full, I could not begin classes. I hung up the phone after numerous
vain efforts to convince the school to let me return. The decision was final.
No money, no school. As I hung up the telephone a dark cloud of despair
enveloped me. Every ounce of effort I had put forth, every drop of hope I had
invested in achieving my dreams, fled with mocking haste in that single phone
call.
I
temporarily went back to work for the small town newspaper and then accepted a
position as a journalist and photographer for a newspaper in a neighboring
town. In route to work one morning I had gotten caught up in the midst of road
construction that had slowed traffic to a crawl for miles, and eventually
brought it to a complete standstill.
Frustrated,
I picked up my cell phone to inform my editor of the traffic jam, and found I
had no signal. I tossed the phone into the passenger seat and reached to turn
on the radio. The radio had lost its signal as well. “Great, just great,” I
muttered to myself bitterly.
The
morning’s conflict had pushed me right to my breaking point. Though I was
physically stuck in traffic, I felt emotionally trapped in every other area of
my life. I was back in the small, one-horse town I had fought to get out of, I
was angry at the university and blamed them for the errors in my financial aid,
I was consumed with a sense of failure and shame because I was unable to pursue
my diligently planned success, and most of all, I was completely broken and
unable to understand why my life was falling apart before my very eyes.
I
placed my car in park and turned off the ignition. With nothing else to do but
let my mind ponder upon these things, I began to look around; first at the
surrounding vehicles and then upward. The morning skies were a permeating blue
and cotton-like clouds had already began to form throughout the horizon. The
trees were topped with lush green and the birds were busy taking pleasure in the
surrounding beauty I had often failed to notice.
I
felt my tense body begin to soften as tears welled within my eyes. “God, I just
don’t understand.” The tears, as well as my words, were freely flowing now. “I
am tired of all of this. Everything I ever wanted to do has fallen apart,
nothing is going as I planned, my world is crumbling at my feet. Please help
me. Lead me to you … lead me to people who are real and live for you in truth.
I’m ready … whatever it takes, I will do.”
As
the last words fell from my lips, the vehicles surrounding mine began to inch
forward, music began to play from the radio, and my phone regained a signal.
Slightly perplexed, I quickly gathered my composure and continued to work. Upon
arrival I began my day as any other, although I knew something inside me had
changed. I wasn’t able to exactly pin point the course of events that had taken
place in the traffic jam, but within minutes of clocking in and pouring my
morning coffee, God made me very aware that He had heard my voice.
“I
haven’t been able to eat, sleep, or pray,” a stranger’s voice came from behind
me. I turned to see a woman holding out a white business card. She seemed
nervous, but continued on. “God has been telling me to talk to you for weeks
and invite you to church, but I’ve been too shy. This is my name and number,
you can call anytime.”
I
silently reached forward and took the card from the woman’s outstretched hand.
I knew, although I didn’t understand how, that God had just answered the prayer
I spoke not 20 minutes earlier.
Over
a decade later I am still living for the God whom I found in the midst of my
broken plans and traffic jam. It is hindsight that allows me to see that my
life was not falling apart, as I had originally thought; but that God was simply
moving my plans out of the way to make room for His. It is also hindsight that
allows me to understand that even our best laid plans cannot stand in
comparison to the perfect grandeur of God’s plans for our lives.
Proverbs 16:9
“A
man’s heart deviseth his way: but the Lord directeth his steps.
Jeremiah 10:23
“O
Lord, I know that the way of man is not in himself: it is not in man that
walketh to direct his steps.”
Jeremiah 1:5
“Before
I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the
womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.”
Philippians 2:13
“For
it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.”
Jeremiah 29:11-14
“For
I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace,
and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Then shall ye call upon me, and
ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. And ye shall seek
me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart. And I will be
found of you, saith the Lord: and I will turn away your captivity, and I will
gather you from all the nations, and from all the places whither I have driven
you, saith the Lord; and I will bring you again into the place whence I caused
you to be carried away captive.”
Isaiah 55:8-9
“For
my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the
Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than
your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
Psalm 37:5
“Commit
they way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.”
Isaiah 48:17
“Thus
sayeth the Lord, they Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel; I am the Lord they God
which teacheth thee to profit, which leadeth thee by the way that thou
shouldest go.”
Isaiah 58:11
“And
the Lord shall guide thee continually, and satisfy thy soul in drought, and
make fat thy bones: and thou shalt be like a watered garden, and like a spring
of water, whose waters fail not.”
Psalm 48:14
“For
this God is our God for ever and ever: he will be our guide even unto death.”
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